Unintended Cultivator

V13 Chapter Sixty-Eight – If It Helps…

Well aware that advancing his body cultivation this soon after advancing his spirit was almost certain to cause a tribulation, Sen put some distance between himself and the army. He didn’t want someone else getting caught in it. With a very small list of exceptions, becoming a secondary target of one of his tribulations was a death sentence, pure and simple. Certain that he already had far too much bad karma, Sen wasn’t in a hurry to invite more through such easily avoided negligence. Not that he immediately took the pill. He knew that someone was bound to come out and try to talk him out of it. He didn’t even lift an eyebrow when he felt their approach, although he was surprised by who it turned out to be.

“Xu Xiao Dan,” said Sen. “I wasn’t expecting you. I thought for sure it would be Master Feng.”

“It almost was,” said the former patriarch. “He ultimately agreed that he wasn’t calm enough for the task.”

Sen nodded after giving that a moment or two of thought. Master Feng normally interacted with the world through attitudes of either indifference or irritation. However, when he was truly upset, there was very little to stop him from simply deciding for everyone how things were going to be. The fact that he’d chosen not to come said that he was currently in one of those truly upset states. It also told Sen that this teacher knew that this was something that needed to happen, however much they both hated the idea. Not that it had stopped Xu Xiao Dan from coming out to try and stop him.

“I assume you’ve come armed with several well-reasoned arguments about why this is a horrendously stupid thing to do,” said Sen with a faint smile.

The other man offered an equally faint smile and answered, “I wouldn’t have couched it in those terms. Dreadfully stupid, perhaps, but not horrendously stupid.”

“I see. I suppose your way is faster.”

“Indeed. Should I bother making those arguments? Can you be swayed from this course of action? You surely know that it has the very real chance of crippling or even killing you.”

“I am very aware of the risk I’m taking. There are reasons for it. I’m not doing this in a blind pursuit of power.”

“We all know that. You’ve made it clear that advancement is not a priority for you, strange as that might seem to some.”

“And you still think I should reconsider?”

Xu Xiao Dan frowned as he contemplated that question.

“I won’t pretend to understand your position. I don’t think any of us old monsters really do. We all took very long journeys to get to where we are. The things that motivate you often seem foreign to me, like things I’ve heard about, rather than things I’ve experienced. I find mortals baffling. The way they burn with passion, and the frenzied way they chase after dreams that are, as often as not, impossible. Those are things I left behind long ago. Or, perhaps, maybe I beat them out of myself with the whip of discipline. One cannot chase cultivation in a frenzy if one wishes to reach the peak of the mountain. There is little room for passion in the long march across the centuries.”

“I don’t know,” mused Sen. “You all seem to find anger easily enough.”

“Anger is simple. Anger is easy. Passions are complex. Dreams are complex and ephemeral. So easily lost in the morning. They burn away like mist beneath the sun if they aren’t nurtured.”

Sen found that a melancholy thought, because he’d experienced that firsthand. By the time Master Feng found him, any dreams that Sen might have had were long abandoned. Most of the dreams that children like him yearned after, wealth and power primarily, had come to him. However, they had brought him little satisfaction. Only the creation of his strange family had met, no, it had exceeded all of his wildest childhood dreams. It wasn’t even the obvious things. It was the intangible things. Trust in others. Oh, what a precious thing that was in his life, and so terribly rare. The miracle that was Ai’s joy in discovery, in learning, in simply being alive. The simple knowledge that there were people who cared what became of him. All of those things were the dearest treasures in his life.

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“I know you think this is a mistake,” said Sen. “If I were in your position, I expect I would think the same thing. But nothing in my cultivation journey has happened the way it should have. We should not know each other. I should not possess the power I have. Many things have happened that shouldn’t have happened. Things that I wish hadn’t happened. Yet, the heavens provided the knowledge to do this now. I don’t believe that was an accident or without purpose. I suspect that I’ve already tempted their wrath by waiting longer than I should have. I fear that any more delay will have dire consequences.”

Xu Xiao Dan lifted an eyebrow and said, “Some might call interpreting the intentions of the heavens a dangerous kind of arrogance.”

“And they would be right, most of the time. I’ve just had more opportunities than most to grasp what the heavens intend for me. They haven’t been subtle about it.”

“Have you explained all of this to Fate’s Razor?”

“He knows. I imagine that it’s part of why you’re here instead of him. He knows he can’t make the arguments from an honest place. All he could really say is that he doesn’t want me to do it. The only reason he has to object is that he doesn’t like me putting myself at risk this way. But he would be here to stop me if he truly believed that I would be anything other than, well, not fine. No one ever survives a tribulation in good shape. But if he thought I was really going to die or destroy my cultivation, he’d never let me do it.”

“What if you’re wrong?” asked Xu Xiao Dan.

Sen let that question wash over him. It was plausible. Not terribly likely based on all of his experiences so far, but it was within the realm of possibility. What did that mean for him, though?

“If I’m wrong, I doubt I’ll have all that long to dwell on my mistake.”

“I don’t imagine you will,” conceded the other man.

“I appreciate your concern. I can’t imagine it came easy for you,” said Sen.

That brought out a small laugh from the elder cultivator.

“It didn’t. I won’t deny that I resented that vow to the heavens you extracted from me. But time is a teacher, and I’m not so set in my ways that change is impossible. It’s just—” Xu Xia Dan hesitated. “I think the only appropriate word is painful. Like most cultivators, I didn’t see or chose not to see the true threat. Even after that threat destroyed everything I’d tried to build, I tried to pretend it didn’t exist. After everything I’ve seen during this war, though, I’d have to be a child to keep pretending.”

“If it helps, I’d like to pretend that none of it was happening.”

Xu Xiao Dan gave Sen an appraising look and said, “Strangely, it does help.”

“What will you do after the war?” asked Sen.

“I assumed that my service to your family would occupy my time.”

“Let’s say that you weren’t bound to that service. What would you do? Would you try to rebuild the Clear Spring Sect?”

The former patriarch gave Sen a sharp look before he stared at something Sen couldn’t see.

“That sect was flawed. I saw some of the flaws. I failed to see others. What was it that you said to me the day you left? ‘There is no honor in this place.’ Those words burned in my ears for a long time after that. I suspect it was because I knew that they were at least partially true. I also knew that the blame for that fell largely on me. Would I like to see that sect rise again? Yes. Am I the person to rebuild it? I’m less certain. What is to keep me from failing the same way again?”

Sen took a moment to think that over before he asked, “What’s to keep you from doing better? Time is a teacher, but so is experience. I think that you could avoid some of those mistakes now that you know what to look for.”

Xu Xiao Dan gave Sen a much longer look. There was a spark of hope in the man’s eyes.

“Are you suggesting that you would release me to rebuild the sect?”

“Service can take many forms. The illusions your sect erected around the spring are formidable, but they’re designed to be solved. I should know, since I did it. That spring is special. It requires guardians. I can think of worse tasks than training those guardians to be your service. Besides, we’ll need somewhere to send water qi users to get decent training.”

Sen thought he spotted tears welling up in the elder cultivator’s eyes, so he turned his gaze in another direction.

“Thank you, Lord Lu,” said Xu Xiao Dan, his voice thick with emotion.

“Don’t thank me yet. We still need to survive and win this war.”

“True. I take it from this change of topic that you intend to proceed with the breakthrough?”

“Yes.”

“Then, shall I stand guard over you? From a safe distance, of course.”

Sen nodded.

“Yes. From a safe distance.”